A Different Kind Of Feeling

He was once asked,

How much he loved his son.

 

He said he did not know,

But that it was something other than love.

 

He called it,

A Different Kind Of Feeling.

 

He said that if his son

Sent him to prison

He would write him every day

From his prison cell.

 

He said that if his son

Disobeyed him,

He understood.

 

He said that when his son

Gave him a hug,

He held onto him.

 

He said that if his son

Were to beat him with an iron rod

And tell him that he was the worst father in the world,

He would smile

And kiss him on the forehead.

 

He explained that there was nothing logical

In his ways.

And that he did not speak of this to anyone.

For no one would understand.

 

He could not explain why,

But he did not want anything from his son.

Not even love.

 

He did not recommend this to anyone.

And he could not support it with reason

Or explanation.

 

And though it was not something that he tried to attain,

Or a way he had worked toward becoming,

It provided him a Freedom

He could not describe.

 

He could not explain how he had come to feel this way.

If its origins lay in guilt,

Or responsibility,

Or something else

He could not say.

 

He did not know if he was a good parent

Or a bad one.

He did not know what was right parenting

Or wrong parenting.

 

But he was always content

With the way his son was.

 

He explained that the most pervasive feeling

Was a lack of need from his son.

Almost to the point

Of a lack of interest.

 

His entire life

Was a life of giving to him.

 

But he could not accept

That he gave anything at all.

 

For it did not arise from volition

Or intent.

 

He did not know how his son felt about him.

When asked if he would like to know what his son said about him

He said no.

 

When asked why,

He said because it did not matter.

It would change nothing.

 

It would not change the way he felt.

And it would not change the way he thought.

 

He was told that many considered him

The best parent in the world.

 

To which he did not respond.

 

When pressed for a response,

He said that he had no interest in hearing

Such silly things.

 

Because he did not know the first thing

About being a parent.

 

The only thing to which he could lay claim

Is a thing which he had been given:

A Different Kind Of Feeling.

 

 

Namaste.