Asceticism Is Inevitable

My almost five decades of existence has culminated in this moment. In which I sit and write this letter to myself.

For much of my life I have been enamored by the ascetics of my native land who retreated into the seclusion of the Himalayas.

For much of that time, although I was fascinated by such uncompromising men, it still carried a fantastical flavor. Although I was drawn to it, they were meant to be ascetics, and I was meant to be a householder.

But as the years have unfolded, life has shown its true colors. Nothing is as it once seemed.

A human being’s life moves from illusion to insight. And as his insight grows, his illusions begin to shatter.

At first glance, the shattering of illusions appears to be blissful. But when the smoke clears, he notices that as the shattered remains lay scattered across the floor, his life does as well.

Though living in ignorance may be ignorant, a man makes a life out of this ignorance. He knows where everything is. He knows each person’s identity. Each person’s role has been settled. Though it may be a house of cards, the cards are arranged in such a way that he can understand.

Though his house is built on shifting sand, he knows precisely where the patch of sand resides. He makes a life of this sand.

But when he begins to see the light on the horizon, he notices the incoming tide. And it suddenly washes it all away.

And though he may have been graced with wisdom . . .

Though he may now truly See . . .

A large part of him cries out for the house he once knew. He sheds tears of unspeakable sadness for the world he once knew. He longs for the familiar times.

And it tears open his heart to discover that the house he once knew wasn’t a house at all. That all that he thought was real turned out to be a mirage.

Wisdom has consequences.

And its greatest consequence is the preservation of memory. The memories of how things once were are too heavy to bear. So heavy that he almost longs to return to a life of ignorance.

As the Truths of life have begun to overtake me, I have come to realize that asceticism isn’t a luxury at all. In fact, it isn’t even a choice.

I suggest nothing to you. I am speaking in your presence. But I am not necessarily speaking to you.

Fear not, I have no recommendations for you.

I speak only to myself. And I do so innocently and uncompromisingly.

The more that I have come to see The Truth, the more asceticism seems inevitable. It is the most natural way.

Not because one lives in the wilderness and in the bosom of nature. In fact, retreat into the wilderness or a cave is unnecessary.

Rather, it is a complete detachment from domestic life, even though one might be seen to be living as a normal householder.

Ideas such as “do not be attached,” may drift through your mind. But I don’t quite know how to impress upon you that unless one is in a particular state of Understanding, they are nothing but an empty prescription. The words may be correct. But man responds to feelings more than words.

In the end, we are all alone.

And when I say “end,” I do not mean to say the end of life. By “end,” I mean the moment one realizes. The moment one understands.

You may live in a joint family, with 50 loving family members by your side. But you are undeniably alone.

You may feel this. You may not. (Most do feel it, but chase away the feeling because it is too painful to bear).

The only person that we have in our life is ourselves, family or no family. Friends or no friends.

And in the end, we discover that even The Self was a lie.

When one begins to attain Realization, he needs no prescription such as “do not become attached.”

He becomes the living embodiment of detachment.

And he does so for the same reason that any human being does anything: Because there is no other way.

Man doesn’t act until he’s cornered.

The ascetic leaves everything behind.

He loses all interest in family. He drops even his own name and the identity he once cherished.

The only difference between the True Ascetic and the common householder is that the householder hasn’t realized that asceticism is his true nature.

The Ascetic openly lives the life that the householder occasionally catches glimpses of.

Mind you, the ascetic doesn’t necessarily live in joy or glee. He has chosen this path because he saw that traditional societal existence could no longer offer him anything but pain.

He walks into the forest, half-liberated and half-defeated. It isn’t an escape. It is an inevitability. It is his only respite. It is where the dust naturally settles.

All societal traditions lead to pain.

A man who has children will watch his children leave his home forever.

Everyone we know eventually leave us.

The house of our childhood eventually crumbles.

I believe it is written in the Bible: From dust to dust.

This is plain and simple Truth.

If I were to reverse the clock 20 years, I would be attached to no one or nothing.

I may forge relationships, I may not.

I may create a family, I may not.

But whatever I would do, I would do with the eyes of one who knows, rather than with the eyes of one who is blind.

Animals live lives that are far superior to those of humans.

For all of man’s capabilities of reason, they get him into trouble more than they benefit him.

For all his capabilities of emotion and empathy, they produce pain infinitely more than peace.

The transitory nature of all things pulls man toward an ascetic existence.

If we and everyone we know will one day be gone, what’s all this about?

If we’re only here for a day, then the Experience of the day is all that matters.

Instead, we humans populate the day and complicate the day.

And live a life of untold suffering on account of it.

I’m reminded of a householder who visited a Swami in the Himalayas.

He said, “Swamiji, you are such a great man. As an ascetic, you have sacrificed everything in order to seek The Truth.”

The Swami replied, “My dear man, I have left behind all those things because they brought me pain. You live amidst such unbelievable pain, attached to all the things of this world. I am at peace. You are in turmoil. It is you who has made the ultimate sacrifice.”

Namaste.