A Delicate Solution To The Pains And Sorrows Of Your Life

I received a heartfelt question from one of you who is going through a rather public turmoil.

The press is coming down on you, your name is being attacked, and there are issues inside the four walls of your home which we’ve been delicately mending over several months.

Your voice is heard, my dear friend. And I believe that, more or less, the problems you speak of apply to all. Allow me, if you will, to address it in a way that may benefit each unique individual present in our small universe in our own remote corner of the world.

Wherever you may be sitting reading this letter, you are living with several problems. Even when you experience a moment of joy, the rolling undercurrent of problems does not allow you to rejoice for long. For these problems are real. And they have been with you for decades.

Be it a relationship problem with your daughter. A never-ending pain in your business. Ambitions which remain unfulfilled in your heart. Desires which never seem to quite get satisfied.

There is a part of your life which turned out wonderfully. Even beyond your wildest imagination.

But then there are a few parts of your life that always seem raw, never to heal. And no matter what you have tried, these damn stubborn issues just don’t mend!

You find yourself in almost schizophrenic swings of mood. There are times when you have blamed yourself for all these problems. And you felt justified in doing so because it is in fact true that you made many undeniable mistakes. And you accepted the fact that the seeds of these mistakes have bloomed into problems which return to its creator. You accepted this. And you felt deserving of the sorrows that came your way.

But after a while, when even such an outrageously humble and self-sacrificial perspective did not work, it made you angry. You thought, “I’ve admitted my mistakes. I’ve apologized for them. I’ve lay on my side in the quiet hours of the night and cried silent tears into my pillow-sheet. And after having done all that, nothing seems to change.”

And when nothing changed, you got angry. What more do I have to do, you said. How much more do I have to suffer! Your friends tell you that you have everything, but as they say this, you quietly think to yourself, “If only you crawled inside of me and felt how I truly felt. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the way you think I should.”

Anger continued to arise within you and you began to hate the world. And perhaps even became estranged from friends. Perhaps even one or two family members.

I realize that things haven’t all gone your way. I understand that Now is a difficult time in your life.

And quite frankly, I may be the only person or advisor in your life who won’t try silly things like cheering you up or give you a “fix” to your problems.

I will only say that I understand.

You see, my dear friend, as human creatures we have a peculiar characteristic which defies all sense of logic. But it’s present within us by the handful.

And that is this: We have become accustomed to lamenting our problems. And if one were to overhear us lamenting, they would think that what we desperately want is to be free of our problems. But that isn’t quite true, you see. We are a clever sort. No one should take what we say at face value. For there is always more than meets the eye.

It’s not that human beings lament their problems because they want to be rid of them. Rather, it is that they do not know who they would be without their problems. And to be brutally honest, no human being in the entire world wants to be rid of his or her problems.

None of us wants a resolution to our problems.

In actuality, what you Really want is for the resolution to go your way. You want the resolution to suit you. You want the judgment to go in your favor.

That’s what you’ve always wanted.

And if your mind, even in the slightest, protests my claim, allow me to calm it immediately by telling you that my words carry not even the shadow of accusation.

You will agree, having been with me for all this time, that in our private consultations, I have never told you what to do. And this is because I absolutely forbid my mind to hold you in judgment.

For I understand all too well, that to judge you will only excite that element within you that we are trying to free you from: Your Mind.

So, no, I don’t hold you in any judgment. I truly have nothing to say about what you might have done wrong or how you should have done things. That’s only behavior modification. And this does not have the power to transform. Perhaps psychotherapists and so-called “executive coaches” should understand this.

I understand your pain. I see your difficulties. I feel your agonies. I acknowledge your sorrows.

I sit next to you, in full witness to all the pains of your life. And I offer you a gentle smile.

Your pains are real. Your misery is true. Your disappointments are authentic. Your sadness is understood.

And I sit next to you, in full witness to it all. And offer you, in return, a gentle smile.

Your feelings have a particular gram weight to them. And you carry them with you from the mist of morning, into the pale blue light of your dreams. Rarely do you ever feel Light.

Never are you really free of them. They are like a second spleen, these problems.

No matter where you are looking, or whom you’re speaking to, you can feel them sitting there.

I see your entire life around you, my dear friend. From your loves, to those you have lost. From your triumphs to your alarming calamities. From the things you’ve dreamed of forever, to the things you hoped you’d never see.

I understand, my dear friend.

I understand.

It is certainly interesting, this life. It is designed to flow only one way. Toward its final ending.

There will come a day in the future that isn’t as distant as your mind tells you it is. A day will certainly come when you and I are no longer here. And though a select few humans in the world will cry that we are gone, they will once again return to their lives. The buses and the trains will continue to run. The stores will open at the same time they always have.

And the world will mercilessly continue as if you and I were never here.

And on that day that you die, if you are lucky you will have a moment or two to look back upon the number of hours and days and years that you were allotted. And when you do, what will you feel? What will you have to say about it?

I’m not interested in what others will say about you when you are dead.

I’m interested in what you will say about yourself just before you die.

In the end, life is more verb than noun.

And for now, if you wish to spend it lamenting about your problems and your sorrows, I understand.

And as you do, I will sit quietly next to you.

I will place my hand on yours.

And offer you a gentle smile.